The room itself wasn't especially anything. Just a small, square bedroom with a closet and a little alcove for a toy chest, a clanky hissing radiator for winter heat and the one window in the room overlooked the front lawn of the apartment building so there were no creepy trees or dark woods beyond.
When I was older I remember having friends who lived across the street from the graveyard where they filmed the original 'Night of the Living Dead' and I would think, How bad would my childhood nightmares have been if we lived there?!
Anyway, the room was fine, as long as it was day time and I was awake. It was in my dreams tha the room came to life. The thick orange curtains, more specifically, or, perhaps, what lay behind them in that realm.
But those were dreams, so I won't count them as a "ghost story". Still, at some point, I realized they were connected to the waking world somehow. There was a portal. Had to be, right? As long as the two worlds stayed separated I was fine.
That's when it started.
I can remember a dozen or so of my favorite things from, this period in my life. The old red Playskool record player (45s only!), my original Star Wars toys, my giant me-sized teddy bear, the wood rocking chair that had a music box attached to it's rail, my collection of plastic batting helmets from the ballpark.
Now any of these seem ripe for the telling of a ghost story right? In such story, perhaps the record player would play on it's own or the rocking chair might start rocking just enough to elicit one or two tones from the music box beneath it. . . but those sorts of made for movie things never happened.
But there was my night-light.
Oh I loved that light.
It was actually a light box that hung on the wall between the alcove and the closet door and I could see it clearly from my bed which faced it. It was the size of a sheet of paper but a bit longer. On it was an image of a little boy sitting up in his bed with striped walls behind hi, and a nightstand that had an old bell-on-top style alarm clock sitting on it. the clock was larger in proportion to the rest of the scene and the face of that little clock was actually a working clock. The light itself came from the clock face. At night, when mom turned out the lights, the clock cast a pale glow that lit up the room just enough to see the end of my bed and the few feet around the night light in every direction. Of course, that tends to make everything else a little darker in the room so I made the effort to look only at the light when I felt a little frightened. ( Could not avoid those old black and white monster movies as a boy!)
The clock hands were silhouetted by the light and I would stare at that light until I fell asleep. It never took long as I have always been a go-til-you-drop kind of kid, high metabolism, crash and burn sleeper. Still am.
I'd wake from those occasional nightmares to find comfort in the light being there on the wall. I knew I was back in my room and safe.
Then, one night, not sure when or at what age but definitely single-digit young as I think I outgrew that clock by 9 or 10 years old, something changed. By then I was feeling a little more threatened by the nightmares as they had worsened and so there were nights that went to bed and did not want to fall asleep. So I would stare at the clock, at the light, and tell myself that I was safe.
That's when it happened. One night, as I was staring at the clock, probably repeating one of the many mantras I had made-up to keep me safe, the light began to. . . fade.
As I stared at the clock, it was becoming dimmer the longer I focused on it. Less of the room seemed to be lit by it and I felt an ominous feeling as it progressed, moving closer towards black.
Let's keep in mind this was NOT a battery operated clock. It plugged into the wall and the bulb was not a dimmer bulb but the standard 15 watt nightlight bulb of our youth.
So it shouldn't have been able to dim. Yet it did.
And my eyes, as all of our eyes do in the dark, should have adjusted in the opposite direction. By nature, it gets easier to see the longer we are in the dark but in this case, the room itself, like the light, grew darker, disappearing as I watched.
At some point I'd close my eyes and bury my head under the pillow and, eventually, I would fall asleep.
It did not happen every night. even nights where I stared at the light like any other, it would sometimes stay bright. There was no rhyme or reason to it but one thing that was consistent was, when it happened, I'd always have a nightmare that night. In them, the heavy rusty orange drapes would move, billowing out and a deep voice, un intelligible, would speak to me from beyond the window.
I've written here before about how that all ended. A dream where the roof above my bed opened and thousands upon thousands of tiny gold, spinning "snowflakes" fell over me as I sat up in bed. I woke, still able to feel them falling on my skin, like tiny pine needles pinching at my entire upper body. I never had another nightmare in that room again afterwards. Not one.
To this day, when I think of that dream, or of the gold snowflakes in particular, I can conjure one right in front of my face. Spinning and hovering about six inches away. I have, since those days, taken it as a sign I was "protected" somehow.
I still do.
Next time: The nosebleeds . . . and the apartment building and it's darkest corners
Oh, what a story! Those gold snowflakes of safety sound so wonderful!!! Almost worth all the prior scared feelings to end up with something you can still see to this day!
ReplyDeleteAnd I wanted to mention that I left a link on your last post of a wonderful musical instrument that I thought you would like.
Oh, and I thought of this from the beginning of your post: I have ALWAYS lived across from the same cemetery. Growing up I was on the other side of the same cemetery to where I am now. I have never been afraid of it as it seems part of my home, like a private park. Plus my parents were cemetery lovers and so we went in search of really old cemeteries all over the area when I was little. It helped me not be afraid. I have plenty of other fears to make up for it though.
Hi Andrea! I DO feel that way about the gold snowflakes. More than worth it. I can still recall the feel of them on my skin. . . once, just a few years ago, I had one time where I was thinking of them and for a few moments could not conjure one and my heart completely sank. That strong reaction surprised me quite a bit. How much a part of me they are.
DeleteOhhhI will look at the link you left right after I finish my response, thank you!!!
In my pre teen and teen years I came to love cemetery's too. When I started doing digital photo art, I made several entire series of gravestones and cemeteries and created "gatherings" of ghostly folk in them. WhenI am home i drive through the one where my grandparents are kept. My grandmother taught me to drive on the narrow twisting roads of that one. It seemed, even then, to be a rather laughable place to teach a teen to drive. Lol
Thank you SO much for coming by! I hope to be back to regular posting again soon.
nicolas
Great story, Nicolas! You tell it so well — I was hooked on every word and I pictured it in my mind's eye. I felt so bad for the little boy you were so frightened in your bed at night. So weird about your night light dimming without reason. I'm glad the nightmares/bad dreams stopped. It's like the gold snowflakes washed away your fears.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky to always share a room with a sibling or two when I was growing up so I always felt reasonably safe and secure. We avoided ghost topics. My real ghost stuff didn't start happening until I was a young adult. Mind you, when I was around 12 years old, there were a couple of fear-filled instances brought on by my younger sister and I watching scary movies on the telly. A rocking horse had come to life in the movie and was killing people. Well, we transferred our fears onto a medium-sized, soft toy dog with a scary looking face. It was my sister's dog and our imaginations got the better of us. Said dog ended up being swiftly thrown into the wardrobe and shut away, out of sight. It took us a while to fall asleep that night. hehe
I remember one of my sons starting having bad nightmares almost every night when he was around 9 years old so I put a dream catcher above his bed explaining that it would take away his bad dreams and protect him. His nightmares stopped after that. Power of mind OR do dream-catchers truly work?
My Dad would tell a scary tale regarding graveyards to us. When he was a young teen, he and his friends would race home at dark and take the short cut through a graveyard. One night, in the graveyard, something grabbed his foot and he couldn't move. He couldn't see anything to be snagged on...it was invisible but it had a firm grasp on his ankle. Suddenly, it just released him and, needless to say, he steered clear of graveyards at night after that experience. My Dad was a true skeptic and has never believed in ghosts but he couldn't explain away what happened to him that night.
I'm looking forward to your next ghost story.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.
Serena! What wonderful tales! Thank you for sharing them!
DeleteSo, let's see. Dreamcatchers. . . Early in my life I came to think of them as very powerful and effective tools. To me, the "web" in the hoop, when the dreamcatcher is made naturally of course, reminds me of a barrier between worlds. Like any barrier, it has power to contain. Mirrors, windows, doors are all our modern examples but the dreamcatcher is special I think.
Here's what I think about childhood. There are openings in the world of a child that are pure and true. To watch a child moving in and through their own world immediately takes me back. I've come to believe we are born with all of the innate knowledge of possibility and that it is only stripped, little by little, as we are "taught" how to move through THIS world. Many of us still have threads of it remaining. Intuition, gut feeling, spider sense. . . whatever we call it, I know from my own experiences that what may now be momentary impressions were once simply the way things were around me all the time. I can remember that feeling. I would not hesitate to say that my connection to that natural state quite literally saved my life on several occasions. I feel super observant even as an adult. When I ran the coffeehouse I had customers and employees on a dozen or more occasions tell me they were amazed at my ability to seemingly know when something was falling near me and how i could just reach out and grab it out of midair. Glasses, bottles, coins etc. I still do it here and there at home with paint jars, brushes, dishes etc but I never thought of it as being part of that, or any such "connection" back then.
I'm glad you had siblings to share the scary experiences with! I had a much older brother, who plays a part in a coming ghost tale, and who got more of a kick out of scaring me than being a source of comfort. :)
Your dad's story is astounding! I think I would have done the same and stayed away after that as well!
So lovely to have you come by and share so much! Thank you!!!
nicolas
I'm glad you enjoyed them, Nicolas.
DeleteI like to believe Dreamcatchers are special too.
I love your explanation on childhood and the 'world around us'. It makes perfect sense to me. You seem to be very in tune to that even now.
I'll look forward to hearing your coming ghost tale involving your older brother. I'm enjoying them very much.
I hope you have a lovely weekend,
Serena
Amazing story Nicolas!! I do think you were protected!!
ReplyDeleteNosebleeds? I don't like nosebleeds! LOL!
Big Crow Hugs!
Hi Stacy! Yes, I agree, I was most definitely protected! The nosebleeds. . . I am looking forward to telling that tale, though it too is more one of protection. :)
DeleteBig Crow Hugs!